When we experience a strong reaction, it usually means some of our core values are being challenged. In this post I talk about my visceral reaction to the claim that happy introverts are a rare occurrence, unlike happy extroverts, who are quite common.

Cognition Rules

I’d like to think of myself as a rather reasonable person, although I’m sure my son will disagree with that statement. And he’ll also provide ample evidence to the contrary. Such is life of a teenage boy’s mother.

With four of my six signature strengths cooped under the wisdom and knowledge value, I approach situations from the cerebral/logical point of view. (Astrologers would say that this is because of my Moon in Taurus and Mercury in Virgo. Numerologists would insist it’s the influence of the attitude number 7. And the Myer-Briggs followers would attribute that to the “NT” combination in my profile.)

Whatever the cause, I prefer to observe rather than judge. Also, I rarely feel a strong reaction to what I’m observing. But when I do, oh boy! It is powerful, visceral and quite refreshing in its intensity! It washes over me like a wave of emotions and makes my blood pressure go up – quite an unusual experience for a low-blood pressure person like myself.

When I react strongly to something, I know it means some of my values are being contradicted. I’ve learned it the hard way over the years. So, when I feel the emotions raising, I use this reaction as an invitation to inspect which of my values feel threatened.

Because we can learn the most about ourselves through introspection, I welcome those moments of “upset” with open arms. And, I investigate – sometimes painfully – whether this particular value is in sync with my core beliefs. Or, if I discover that it’s not longer “me” and actually hinders my growth, I ponder how to part with it. And if you had any doubts, no, I haven’t completely given up on the dream of becoming a scientist when I grow up.

No Such Thing as Happy Introverts?

With that being said, I’m happy to report that yesterday I felt a strong reaction to something! It was a passage in the book by Tim LeBon: “Achieve Your Potential with Positive Psychology” saying that happy introverts are a rare sight. My fellow commuters on Toronto’s Line 1 would attest to the huffing and puffing and eye-rolling happening when I was reading the following words (pp. 21-22):

Psychologists have identified the big five personality traits [associated with happiness], namely: openness to experience, conscientiousness, extradition, agreeableness and neuroticism. Of these, two are most associated with happiness: extroversion and neuroticism.

Are you an extrovert or an introvert? If you like being with other people then you are most likely an extrovert. Introverts prefer being with their own thoughts. If you are an introvert, the bad news is that genetics has dealt you a hand that means you are less likely than the average person to be happy.

Then the author continues:

The better news for introverts is that you do not have to accept that you are destined to misery. A key question is whether you are an introvert through choice or through fear. If you genuinely like being with your own thoughts and find being with others boring, then the strategy may be to engage more in those solitary activities that make you happy. (…)

“However, you may be introverted not through choice but because of social anxiety. If you would like to do more things with other people but avoid it because of fear of negative judgments, then the best step may be to try to overcome social anxiety.

Understanding Introversion

These were just written words, so why did I react so strongly to them? A disclaimer, that was tongue in cheek, as being an editor I am not allowed to say “just written words” for the risk of being banned from my profession.

One reason is that spotting and debunking misconceptions about introverts have been a personal crusade of mine, a social introvert. No wonder that seeing the terms such as introversion, shyness, social anxiety so casually thrown together made me feel really upset. The fact that they were included in the textbook meant for students only added insult to the injury.

For those who still have any confusions about the issue, introversion is not a choice, it’s a personality trait. Introverts require solitude to recharge their energy while extroverts feel energized by being with other people.

Second, there is a significant difference between introversion, shyness, social anxiety. This article does a great job of explaining these differences and I highly recommend reading it, if only to reinforce the message. Even the scientists admit that introverts are not shy, as rightly pointed out by Sophia Dembling in her post “Introversion vs. Shyness: The Discussion Continues.” In there, she quotes Louis A. Schmidt, who said:

Though in popular media they’re [introversion and shyness] often viewed as the same, we know in the scientific community that, conceptually or empirically, they’re unrelated.

And third, the fact that introverts enjoy the company of their own thoughts doesn’t equal that they don’t like people. Quite the opposite; the key is the quality of the connections not the quantity.

Give us an interesting person to talk to and we are in the seventh heaven. But for introverts, the definition of hell is a cocktail party – loud and filled with small talk. I recommend reading Susan Cain’s book “Quiet” and watching her TED Talk from 2012. In there, she explains the misconceptions about introversion in a comprehensive way, exceeding the format of this post.

Investigator Keeps Digging

So why such a strong reaction now? As I mentioned before, my need to clarify what it really means to be an introvert isn’t new. And this wasn’t the first time I read something overly simplifying the issue.

But this time, the intensity of my reaction suggested that one of my fundamental beliefs was being challenged. There was something deeper than disagreeing with the claim that there are no happy introverts. The investigator wanted to keep digging.

And then it dawned on me. My strong reaction was to the purpose of the book!  “Achieve Your Potential with Positive Psychology” is a text book for students of positive psychology and its author, Tim LeBon, teaches this topic at University of London.

It happens that positive psychology is my newest love. With the eagerness of a typical neophyte, for over a year I have been reading everything and anything on the topic. (When I write these words, there are five books with positive psychology in their titles on my desk. It is a big desk, just so you know.)

And up until now, the majority of the books, papers and articles I read were balanced and objective. Just like the definition of this discipline promised: the scientific study of what makes life worth living. No wonder the author’s personal opinions mixed with the scientific studies upset me!

Happy Introverts or Unhappy Introverts?

Just to be clear, the correlation between the happiness and extroversion is not new to me, I’ve read about it many times in different books and papers. And to be completely fair, to prove his point LeBon cites a 2012 study of William Fleeson showing that: “Against their expectations, introverts found they were happier when they acted more like an extrovert.”

While the Fleeson study encourages engaging in extroverted behaviours, like smiling at a passerby or calling an old friend, LeBon goes further. He advises that if introverts want to be happy, they need to do a personality overhaul. More recent studies (Zelenski et al. 2014), while still supporting the association between introversion with lower levels of happiness, also provide a more nuanced view of this association. They consider the influence of measurement tools or culture.

This is not a black and white issue and that seems to be the key. The association between being introverted and happiness is just that, a correlation. It merely says that introverts – in general – don’t report happiness as often as extroverts. It doesn’t mean there is no such thing as happy introverts, or that we are doomed to a life of gloom. The truth – if there is such concept – is more nuanced.

In Summary

Perhaps I’m nit-picking at LeBon’s words and he was just trying to be entertaining. Or maybe it is the insecure introvert in me terrified of the prospect of leading an unhappy life lashing out. But one thing is certain, the years of working in academic publishing have raised my standards for presentation of research data.

But they also made me vulnerable to impact of provocative claims. I doubt I would have such a strong reaction if LeBon wrote “more research needs to be done,” instead of delivering definitive claims. And that seems to be the core of my issue with LeBon. His advice “change who you are so you can be happy” comes across a low hanging fruit. From a positive psychology textbook I would expect something along the lines “understand who you are and use this knowledge to increase your happiness.” But it’s not as catchy as the first one.

© Ania Bogacka